Coffey Break Chat: 8 Ways To Set Boundaries
Today's video is all about boundaries...or the lack thereof haha Although I'm fully convinced of their importance, I still find myself struggling with the best methods to not only identify areas where I need them, but most importantly ways to commit to them once they've been identified.
I love the idea of having a support system and accountability partners, but I'm also convinced that people feed off the energy you put out. We might have the best intentions, but without an ongoing commitment, it's difficult to honor those boundaries, and we definitely shouldn't expect others to respect our boundaries more than we do.
Having said that, I figured it was definitely time to do a little research on the best place to start with setting boundaries, and here's what I got!
1. Know What You Want
Make a list of what you want, but don’t have yet, in different areas of your life. Be sure to include work life, home life, relationships, health, finances, spiritual path and any other areas that are important to you.
2. Set standards
Make a list of what you will never tolerate again in your life, and pray what you want into your life. We aren't in this alone. Be intentional about asking God to literally remove the taste for whatever damaging traits, relationships, habits, etc. that you find yourself dealing with, and that it would be so easy to identify that it literally repels you when you come face to face with it.
Have a escape strategy already put in place. We all know aggressive people, have been in sticky situations, the list goes on... The best defense is being prepared for when those situations arise.
3. Don't assume
Your true boundaries may not offend people. A lot of times perception beats reality in our minds. Don't make things harder than they have to be by assuming. Communication is everything, and it's really important to manage expectations. I'd rather have an honest moment than a resentful passive aggressive interaction any day.
4. Start small
Establishing boundaries doesn't mean you have come out kicking the door down. Be okay with starting out with asserting yourself with scenarios that are less intimidating. This will be a great way to build the confidence, and it's also a great way to see that it's not the end of the world if you simply can't do whatever.
5. Be short and confident in your "no."
When you feel bad or uncertain about saying no, it makes the situation awkward for everyone. People respond to the vibes we send out. Be intentional about the tone you set. Assertiveness is also best in situations like this. If you're still uncomfortable, the best time to give it a go isn't in front of the person haha Role play it! Sit down with someone who loves you enough to take the time to do it right and practice until you get it.
6. Don’t apologize.
This is my new mission: Stop apologizing! You haven't done anything wrong, and it's not a bad thing if you're unavailable. If there's an opportunity to say yes to another time, offer it and keep it moving.
7. Trust your body.
If something makes your heart start to race, head itch or turn your stomach into knots, you should probably say no to the request. If you feel light and free when considering it, then definitely say yes. Learn how to recognize your own internal signals and find a way to push past the pressure that others put on you.
8. Commit Commit to your Standards Commit to your Why